Dallas.Duets.Dying!

My dad and I drove to Dallas yesterday to meet with my duet partner for the last time before we leave. We got a lot done and sound greaattt! I am super excited to see if we are picked to perform again!

You know, God is good. I am confident that He has a plan for me, and I know that I am on the right track.

Don't get discouraged

God is Faithful.

Today is a new day

I went shopping yesterday and this is one of the things I got. I love getting new clothes, I am not sure you could even really understand!

Today, I woke up feeling a little overwhelmed still. So I took a hot shower with Sara Bareilles blaring. I then got all dressed up and went to lunch with my mom at Johnny Carino's. It was a good way to start the day, even if we did get back at 1:30! ha!

Lots of work still has to happen, and lots of things still need to fall into place in these next four days, but God is good, and God is faithful and He is in control.

"Keep traveling steadily along [the Lord's] pathway and in due season He will honor you with every blessing." Psalm 37:34 TLB

"He who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus." Phil 1:6 NIV

Five Days

I leave for Orlando in only five days. God help me. There is so much that I need to get done and so much that has to fall into place by then, and I don't feel like I'm getting anything accomplished. I still have to record my demo cd, but every time, for the last four or five times, that I sit down to record, my voice does not want to cooperate. That is super frustrating, because I have to finish this.

I keep having bad dreams about AMTC and this upcoming event. The latest one : I am at a grocery store, like Walmart, and AMTC has a little table set up in between clothes racks where we have to get our picture taken for the pamphlet/playbill thing. I am trying to get to it, but I have to go through the grocery part of the store first. The only problem being that, every time I start to go down an isle, this guy in a killer whale mascot suit starts walking towards me. Now, I know that sounds pretty ridiculous, but in this dream, I am completely convinced that if he catches me, he will kill me, so naturally I am terrified. Eventually I end up at the Bakery part of the store, thinking I have finally lost him, and I look up and he is standing behind the counter. So I run. Somehow I find my way to the little table that AMTC has set up, so I go over to it and jump in to get my picture taken. Well, I am with two other people. The one in the middle is this 10-foot tall woman, and on her left is this 300-pound woman. Well since they are head shots, they couldn't get me and the 10-foot tall lady in one shot, so I was cut out of the picture. They asked me if that was fine with me and I just stood there, and I was like "Uhmm.. I guess? Yeah." Then I woke up.

Even though it was kind of a strange dream, it helped me so see a few things. One being that I have been feeling completely inadequate. I am doing all this work and all this stuff, but I feel totally invisible. That isn't from the Lord though! I am a child of God! He has chosen me for this profession and has put a calling on my life to pursue it. And THAT right there, qualifies me as being COMPLETELY adequate.

God is good, and God will provide.

I'm not worried about that.

Jesus, please draw me into you and help me to get everything accomplished that I need to. Thank you that YOU are in control.

Here's to new traditions

My mom and I decided that every Christmas, we will drink Mimosas and watch old wintery Gilmore Girls episodes.

Life is good<3

I talked to Zac about the whole thing, and I definatly feel like I am making the right decision. This is what I need to do.

I have been absent for awhile...

I am tired. I think I am realizing that some people just won't change, no matter how many times they convince you that they have. Don't believe them. I am just done. This guy said that he was interested in me. We talked about it for about two months, even though he has a girlfriend. Now, we are hardly talking anymore. You know what? I am so done. I am done letting him play with me like this. I deserve to be treated better and I am not going to settle for this. I don't want to be your second choice. I don't want to do this anymore. I am looking at myself, and I just don't even believe how hard I have been trying. I am tired of it. I am going to finish this song that I have been writing about it, and be completely finished with this. Maybe that is the whole point in this ugly situation, that I could write an amazing song, that is all. You will never be what I need. You will never be what is good for me. So why am I doing this? This is such a waste of time.

I really mean it this time. I am making it final.

Tomorrow is Christmas, and I still cannot even believe it. This year has gone by so fast, and so slow all at the same time. This year, I have grown so much as an artist and as a person. I am understanding the inner-workings of complex song writing, and loving every minute of it. I have done so many things this year that were terrifying, but I didn't let that stop me. I auditioned for AMTC. I pursued my dreams through AMTC. I auditioned for American Idol, and was okay when I didn't get through. I really feel like I have accomplished a lot! I have perfected four songs, and written five, and I am still writing more! I played a lead role in my high school's production of Steel Magnolias. That was really my first taste of what it is like to be an actor, and it only makes me want more! So much has happened in these 365 days and I wouldn't take back a single thing. Every mistake, every awkward moment, every heartbreak, every smile, it all lead me to be the person and artist that I am today, and I couldn't have asked for a better year. I have made some wonderful friends, and learned that some people will never be my friends. And I finally realize, that I have to be okay with that. I have to let go of some relationships and hold strong to the ones that count. Every person I have come in contact with this year, was put in my life for a specific reason. God has a plan you guys, and weather I can see it right now or not, He is still in control. That is something that I really need to spend more time appreciating.

This has been a wonderful year<3